Nach drei Monaten

I should, without question, be slaving through a vast multitude of text I must have read for class next week but I cannot bring myself to waste my time with such trivial matters whilst I remain here in Germany having the time of life. Indeed I plan to work on this homework very little if at all over the weekend because I am planning a trip to Aachen for tomorrow and will be spending most of Sunday with Anne. For those of you that don’t know, Anne is my girlfriend of a little over a month now –though we have known each other the whole time I have been here (three months now –wow). I feel like I’m getting a little bit of an extra experience as the rest of the exchange students here (at least the Americans) because I have family in the area that I visit occasionally and a significant other that I not only see regularly but is an authentic part of the culture in which we are all currently living. I get to just hang out with my girlfriend rather than talk to her on Skype every day; I’ve gotten to be driven around in a car and shown the sights of not just Dortmund, but several other cities by my family and Rica’s family. I’ve also been fed normal German meals around a dinner table and taken care of by these same people. I’ve get to occasionally watch television which most of the others haven’t had the luxury of. And I’m sure there are countless other things that are so easy for me to take for granted until they are brought to my attention by one of my friends.

The exchange students here are like one giant family and I love being a part of this experience. The people here are all so very interesting and we come from so many cultures and yet we are all so very similar in that we are all the kind of people that possessed an interest in the German language and the desire to do something as specifically random as study abroad in Germany. Indeed, many of my American friends here are Southerners from South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, West Virginia, Georgia and so on, but they do not remind me of the ignorant conservatism that I dislike about the South because the people that contribute to that kind of society are not the kind of people that would like to study in Germany for half a year or have any interest in international culture, much less a foreign language. I feel so at ease with all of these people and though we essentially had to form relationships in the beginning of our experience against the isolation that comes naturally from being a foreigner, I also feel that many of these relationships are quite genuine and the people here (that I am glad to call my friends) would all be the type of people I would gladly have befriended back home in the States. Apart from the German culture which surrounds me almost 24/7, I have also been introduced to the cultures of other members of this international family such as Turkish, French, Hungarian, Mexican, Spanish, English, Irish, Czech and so on. I feel as if I have gained such a wealth of knowledge of culture in such a short amount of time (and indeed I have) that I’ve suddenly realized that I can no longer define myself. Every day it becomes more and more difficult to step outside of myself and look at who I am because I feel I do not recognize this person any more. I have changed so much that I never thought this to be possible. I have had thoughts I’ve never before possessed; I have tried things I’d never took the time before to do; I’ve had feelings that I’ve never before felt; I feel more alive now than I ever have in my life. I fear returning to the States, no one could ever understand this transformation that I’ve undergone. And it’s not even finished –I have still remaining two more months of adventure in the Ruhrgebiet. I know when I return, things that have not changed will no longer seem the same to me. I will be starting over no matter where I am. This experienced as opened a new chapter of my life and I believe I am only just now beginning to grasp what this entails. I have matured to a point that I though would only be possible with the raising of a family. I am no longer scared of the world and what lies around the corner because I have a new understanding of myself and I realize that what ever it is, I possess the ability to overcome it and everything will be okay. I learn something new about myself every day and that is the greatest feeling I could imagine. Each time it’s like receiving a present as a small child on Christmas morning.

For those of you who know me well enough to understand this, here’s a list of things I could come up this off the top of my head that I’ve tried and realized I liked for the first time while I’ve been here (yes, most of them are food but it was difficult to think of more abstract things –though I’m sure there are many):

strawberries, kiwis, pineapples, oranges, pomegranates, wine, tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, ferris wheels, laying in the grass, cooking, salad without salad dressing, dancing, raspberries, blackberries, asparagus, apricots, mayonnaise, usw…

My skills with the German language have also greatly improved. I normally feel comfortable conversing with people in German, though I never understand everything, I feel it’s enough to make do. I try to think about how I may appear to native Germans and the example that always comes first to mind is that of Fez on That 70s Show. I know I’m not as out-going or funny (though my sense of humor does work a little better here and I often joke more than the Germans because they simply don’t that often –not that they dislike humor, on the contrary they enjoy it very much every time I joke around, it’s just not something that they regularly take part in as part of their culture) but I feel like the near-fluent speech abilities and the lack of constantly talking about one’s home country (of which I refrain as much as possible) does bare a striking parallel. Thus I tend to imagine myself as a Fez-type character: capable of getting by but not entirely compatible with society. I am so glad that Anne is as patient and understanding as she is with me and that we have so many similarities that it is easy for us to get along. As example, it did not upset her the other day but rather tickled her into laughter for quite a few minutes when I accidentally call her a term that apparently is quite derogatory, though I had no idea. She has helped me so much and in so many ways to learn the language, the details of German culture it’s impossible to obtain in a class, and also surprisingly, a great deal about myself, of which I had no prior inkling. I feel quite lucky to have her and I honestly feel (though I can’t explain why –perhaps the changes I have recently undergone) like our relationship is something that I never thought I could ever achieve in my life. For this main reason and so many million more around me in this beautiful land with such a deep history and culture, I am completely content and I feel as if this is where I belong.

As a side note: the culture in which I now reside is not one that is hated by the majority of the world. Not one that presses itself on other cultures or believes it is better or has more right than any other culture. And most importantly, it is not one that is being threatened with nuclear weapons. I only wish you all could feel how much of a relief that is to one’s peace of mind…